Humans have been inventing things since the dawn of civilization. Some inventions, like electricity and the internet, have become things we cannot live without. But not every idea that made it off the drawing board was a good one. Below is a collection of silly and pointless creations — from a family bicycle complete with a sewing machine and table, to a two-sided mirror brush on long sticks — that prove not every invention deserves to exist.
A group of youngsters tied a bike tyre around the body as a swimming aid. Germany, 1925.
Wooden bathing suits, supposed to make swimming a lot easier. Haquiam, Washington, USA, 1929.
Stroller equipped with a radio, including antenna and loudspeaker, to keep the baby quiet. USA, 1921.
Portable radio in a straw hat, made by an American inventor in 1931.
A man at a shipping exhibition in Olympia, London, demonstrating the “Laryngaphone,” a noise-excluding telephone which only transmits vibrations from the vocal cords when the microphone is placed against the throat or cheek. For the man who wants to annoy both his wife and his mistress.
A nanny supervising a baby suspended in a wire cage attached to the outside of a high tenement block window. The cages were distributed to members of the Chelsea Baby Club in London who have no gardens, or qualms about putting a child in a box dangling over a busy street.
Back in 1948, there was apparently nothing weird about riding across a lake on a motorized surfboard while wearing a nice suit and bowler hat and smoking a cigarette. Forget his lack of safety gear — inventor Joe Gilpin looks cool gliding along on the water.
President of Zeus Corp., Robert L. Stern, smoking a cigarette from his self-designed rainy day cigarette holder.
Inventor of a honey and vinegar mixture called Honegar, Dr. DeForest C. Jarvis. Honegar was said to be a folk remedy for aches and pains, though it mainly sounds like a cure for lack of nausea.
Robot equipped with a fast-draw invention shoots it out with a live gunner. It’s always easy to question the wisdom of giving a robot a gun, but also making him quick on the draw is just irresponsible.
A woman adjusts her stocking by the light of Goodyear’s illuminated tires. The tire is made from a single piece of synthetic rubber and is brightly lit by bulbs mounted inside the wheel rim.
You can carry it anywhere and everywhere — like the office, public washrooms, or even public transport.
Inventor John H. T. Rinfret demonstrates his anti-bandit bag. To foil thieves, a chain is pulled and the bottom of the case falls out so the contents are scattered over the floor. That’ll stop those thieves from getting at the contents of your bag! No, wait. It won’t.
American science fiction writer and founder of the Church of Scientology L. Ron Hubbard uses his Hubbard Electrometer to determine whether tomatoes experience pain, 1968. His work led him to the conclusion that tomatoes “scream when sliced.”
This shower hood from 1970 has us baffled. Is it meant to keep your head dry while you shower? Or does it let you just wash your hair while your face stays dry?
A machine to measure the shape of your head. The machine consisted of 1,954 parts in a metal carrier with a continuous motor-driven belt inside a walnut cabinet containing statements about 32 mental faculties. These faculties were each rated 1 through 5, “deficient” to “very superior,” so that there were 160 possible statements but an almost unlimited number of possible combinations.
In 1936, inventor R. Handl came up with the movable heel plate, but it wasn’t until 1996 that this concept revolutionized skating.
Piano especially designed for people confined to bedrest. Great Britain, 1935.
A pair of spectacles especially designed for reading in bed. England, 1936.
Electrically heated vest, developed for the traffic police in the United States, 1932. The power is supplied by electric contacts in the street.
A turntable linked to a film projector. It comes with single, dual, and triple turntable options. Designed by F.B.A. Prinsen, 1929.
This land-and-water bike can carry a load of 120 pounds. Paris, 1932.
A kind of shovel mounted on a car. Purpose: reducing the number of casualties among pedestrians. Paris, 1924.
In 1938, the world’s first wireless newspaper was sent from WOR radio station in New York City. In this photo, children are reading the children’s page of a Missouri paper.
Plastic face protection from snowstorms. Montreal, Canada, 1939.
A wartime stroller equipped with gas protection. Hextable, England, 1938.
Hospitals would be able to use this to mark newborn babies with their initials in order to avoid any switched-at-birth scandals.
This could be helpful for single mothers dealing with what to do when the phone rings, your other child cries, and someone knocks at the door while you’re in the middle of bath time with the little one. Just strap them in and go about your business.
Swiss engineer M. Gerder is seen driving his “Motorwheel,” a motorcycle with a wheel that runs on a rail placed inside a solid rubber tire.
Two men demonstrate a pipe called the “Double Ender” in New York, June 2, 1949.
Model Betty Dutter demonstrates how the spray nozzle is held on the new “Sun-Tan Lotion Dispenser” at the Annual Vending Machine Convention in Chicago on January 19, 1949. A dime could get you a 30-second spray job.
The brush is constructed to fit a bald head’s contour, with bristles for brushing hair and a felt pad to gently massage the scalp.
A schoolboy sleeps in a desk that also folds out into a hammock.
The bra claimed to develop and strengthen the bust and was designed to vibrate while the person wearing it was at work.
This 1941 photo shows a model in a transparent “Lucite” rowboat, designed to see everything below the seat.
Designed to be easily transported, these 1953 monopod seats could provide a quick and easy place to sit when on the go.
A 10-year-old named Marne Smith came up with an easy way to avoid a crick in your neck after lying outside for a tan.
According to the designer, the machine held enough water for three cups of coffee and could also be used for preparing soups, boiling eggs, or heating water for washing or shaving.
New back brush lets the bather see just what she is up to.
Brushes on feet allow a housewife to read while scrubbing the floor.
This large machine was actually used to cook turkey.
Nothing will make you feel better when you’re suffering from a hangover than a mask that looks like this.
From 1939 is this incredible and yet utterly pointless bicycle for the family, complete with sewing machine and table for the lady of the house.
In 1963, the Cat-Mew Machine was invented in Japan. Its purpose was to scare off rats and mice by emitting a meow sound throughout the day.
Sunbathing with a foldable reflector. The Netherlands, 1961.
This robot shaving assistant is definitely not a horrific accident waiting to happen.
Charles L. Langs poses with his strapless, backless, wireless, support-less bras. His wife is justifiably dubious.
This M3 submachine gun with a curved barrel was made for shooting around corners. It’s the perfect gun for the “shoot first, look where you’re shooting later” kind of guy.
In the 1950s, everyone smoked. In fact, they couldn’t smoke fast enough, if this cigarette pack holder is any indication. Did the inventor of this contraption not know that excess nicotine causes violent vomiting, dizziness, and severe headache?
In the 1920s, Hugo Gernsback published a design for a creepy-looking helmet that blocks out sound and vision so someone can focus on their work.
This German audio-visual apparatus was designed to enhance the boom and flash of enemy artillery and, thus, help pinpoint gun positions.
This hat can store brushes, combs, and whatever else fits in its mini pockets.
